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Me Me Me Me

4.17.2014

Let's Be Real...

Sweater: Old Navy
Pants / Scarf: JCPenney
Boots: Fergalicious via DSW

Let's just be real here, for a minute, you guys.  I have not been feeling much like blogging lately because I'm struggling.  Grad school, while I've loved it, has not been so kind to my body.  Since I'm on the road and away from home for 12-14 hours a day, I have not been able to eat as healthily as I would like to, nor have I had time to exercise.  Thus...I've gained a lot of weight.  And for someone who has struggled with disordered eating in the past, this is not a great place to be in.

A large chunk of things in my closet don't fit me anymore, which makes it hard to get dressed.  I get irritated and upset seeing all these cute clothes in my closet that look awful on me.  I am finding myself wearing the same few things over and over because they're what I feel okay in.  Lately, when I've been trying to take outfit pictures, all I can see is how icky I look in my clothes.

It's an interesting dichotomy, really.  I feel so proud of everything that I've accomplished over the past two years, but at the same time, I feel embarrassed about how being in grad school has affected my body.  Pride vs. shame.

After my closet inventory post, I mentioned that I want to cut down on what I own.  I have already gotten rid of a lot of items in my closet that are not really my style anymore (and am strongly considering opening up an Instagram shop!), but I want to take it a step further.  Because my closet is filled with things that don't fit me anymore, I often feel guilty and bad about myself when I'm picking out clothes to wear.  I am going to get rid of nearly all the stuff that used to fit me but does not anymore.  Having it in my closet is doing nothing but make me feel bad about myself, and I deserve better.  Plus, if when I drop the grad school pounds again, I'm probably going to want to buy some new clothes that fit my body better.  Ultimately, I just want to feel happy when I look in my closet, get dressed, see photos of myself, etc.

Do any of you struggle with this as bloggers as well?  I really, really hope I'm not alone!

Linking up with Marissa and Heidi for their Spring Pantone Color Week - Paloma & Dazzling Blue.

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